I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
