i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sext me about skeletons
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
