How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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