oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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