the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I know her cup size but not her name....
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