What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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