i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
