No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
