her vagine was all disorganized.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
