I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry about my life...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
