y did u give ur computer a hand job?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
