I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
