by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
