I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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