Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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