I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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