Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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