my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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