remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
