at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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