I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
