i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
