I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
