I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
