I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
