I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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