im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
