My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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