I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
