I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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