My room smells like vodka and shame
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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