Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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