There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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