Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
