This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my being single is dangerous.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
