The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
