Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
