I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
