I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
