FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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