Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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