What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
