have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
