I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
