i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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