i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just puked most of my soul out..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
