The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
