I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
