Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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