by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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