She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
